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Christine
Hume
Do's and Don'ts About Fur
Don't predict by patterning against fur.
Don't buy fur on credit or trade modern mathematics for it.
Don't smell anything while scissoring the shape of fur, lest you be
absorbed into it.
Don't mark a center while playing dead and traced around.
Don't smock it; zigzag your fur in a refrigerated area so that it stands
up as
if standing up.
Don't think of glass or any figurines while running a row to give the
sleeve a hand.
Don't follow conventions of obscure origin like singing as you cut a
collar or anything
involving salt.
In the case of bald spots, make a shirring near the waistline, pet frequently
and
carelessly.
Don't whipstitch merkins into a furlike coat for it will follow an endless
invisible seam in
circles; or join
pelts with a curved needle, don't do that. Don't beam from under
wigs or draw fur designs with your mouth open.
Don't kink the law of desiccation with cheap tricks of perfume.
Don't invite a friend to help with the back: cold is the body's first
eye, use it swiftly.
Don't talk to your fur as if it were flora or fire.
Should hybridity be discovered, make a speech for the removal of romance
in your
mother-tongue.
Don't edge the hide under the presser foot until it bites hard enough
for you to see
free-floating
numbers.
If correctives make themselves necessary, remember most ill-formed icicles
point
toward a negative sublime in accordance with Chinese canons.
Don't hem in bed.
Don't hang a fur kindly.
Don't try on fur inside-out or walk backward into the room with it on;
else you shall
require red to
satisfy your nervous system.
Don't carry unmarked boxes while wearing it.
If you forget, blame a shortcut.
Don't blame an inertial reference frame, just don't this time.
In your new coat, don't pretend to be a lone pine tree in the background
either.
When stepping over, don't let oil puddles on asphalt look up your fur;
even fakes
reflect the iffy fortune of recognition.
Airport Smoking Room
In Plane View: A 12 Second Miracle
Play by Thomas Merton
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