Crystal Williams

Sweet,

this is my apology.
You were the roadside boys
I wanted to love. For a decade
I've been holding you at bay. You, loves
lost, big-eyed boys, tender men who offered
so many possibilities that I am fat with them,
take this apology & do not blame yourselves for
I was crafty, turned
when I meant to still.
How many lives have I thrown to the greedy wind
& where have they gone? Here is my story:
down the road a bit—beyond the long trees
reaching for their hot drink—
is an indentation between weeds where I sat
& watched you pass. Beyond that,
a road gaping, full & ugly.
To be in the woods so long is to learn
the wrong language. I believe the trees
finally rustled, "Girl, we understand:
Between anger & madness lives sorrow
but even we have had enough. Go home.
Look to the mirror, she will show you the rest."

But she too would say, Desire, I lie. I lie.

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